Warning - long rant about current situation and 'feelings'


Real sorry I haven't been active and posting art and all that stuff >_< But Late Spring Saturday My knees ache.
That's the first thing I noticed, and I blearily opened my eyes to see the dull grey bedspread above me, the bottom of a loft bed I never use and never intend to use.
My eyes hurt a little, seeing the dull light that shines through my window even though I've hung a curtain, and then a blanket, up to counteract the light that's supposed to protect my neighbor's dumpster, but only serves to light my room dully and at all hours. 
Gah, and now my back hurts, and I slumped back into my covers, which are rapidly cooling as I awake even more.
My hands pulled the blankets and quilts tighter, and at the edge of my futon I lazy saw will tell you my basic health situation >_<
Thinking of going to accupunture lately, but then again, I haven't been on such good terms with my family so....
On Mother's day, I had to visit with my Non-Japanese grandmother, even though she literally lives a block away from my parents, but there's a reason we never visit.
Namely, through the course of the day, I had a nail almost put in my thumb, now I have a wicked cut on my finger, I wasn't referred to by my name [rather, I was called by my older sister's name all day], and I was intentionally locked in a closet by my family. Apparently, they thought it was better to get me away from her, and they thought the first two hours were funny, and then realized I had a hammer in there, and they were afraid to let me out, so I spent a total of five hours at my grandmother's, three of them in a closet.
Then, a few days before that, I visited home, one thing lead to another, and my wrist was slammed into a kitchen cabinet. ^_^ I wore a wrist brace for a while, but it's off and my bruise is mostly gone ^_^  Plus, I have no troubles playing viola~
I think I did well on my A.dvanced P.lacement U.nited S.tates H.istory exam, I'll be getting my results in July~
I also created a real life questing group for some of my friends and I.
I created it with an original group of me + 7 friends, and my friends were all from a Dungeons and Dragons group [While I don't play D&D, I am the Pack Mother]
Well >_< A friend of mine found out, and spent essentially two hours bitching at me because I didn't invite her, while I do understand she feels left out, I honestly didn't think it was her cup of tea, nor can I afford to pay for prizes and crap for a 9th person, so I didn't think she had any right to try and make me put her in the group.
Then, when I did let her in the group, their first assignment was to create cool, pithy, adventuring name, that I would address them by in their assignments. Well, all the people had no trouble choosing names...
except for her.
She tried to make me allow her to have traditional Lithuanian names, none of them were properly quirky, easy to pronounce, or pithy. Rather, they were all a bit of a mouthful and down to Earth, so I wouldn't accept any of them, but then she had the gall to try and force me to accept it.
And now, I really can't deal with talking to her, what I really want to say is "Hey, you can't complain at me for 4+ hours about how much you hate me and my ideas, and expect me to just forgive you" She keeps asking me what's wrong, and I'm like 'Wtf?' >_<
So >_< I have all this stress
And then, my friend's girlfriend Triangle Hey-
Hey Sweetie!
I'm in love with you,

well,

not really.
I saw you, the first time, and thought! 'I Wanna love him!'
And, I made it my goal, to be in love with you,
and I began to fall,
fall,
fall-
And when I found out you had a girlfriend, it made sense, so, I've decided to be your best friend.

And your girlfriend,
you're so perfect for each other,
[it's sweet really,
everyone is jealous, posivitely magical the way you two are]
She's beautiful, and she needs you, and she's the kind of sister I've always wanted.
And you need her too, she's good for you, much better then I'd ever be.
And,
I still want to end my sentences
'Love you sweetie keeps trying to set me up with one of her [girl] friends, and I have to keep politely refusing.
My friend has chronic depression that's been a little on the tiresome side lately, he's not getting worse but all of this is combining to make me a bit weary....
Then Will [yet another friend] is moving to Florida, [I'm the only one that lives on my own so far] because his mum is moving the whole family down, so I'm busy trying to keep him from falling apart at the seams
>_< And he wants to get into my pants, even though we have a sibling-like relationship, the sibling-li-ness formed after he essentially made a declaration he wanted to get in my pants >_< And what really sucks is when ever I mention I'd like to get a boy friend, he always offers himself, and I'm like ">_< I'd say yes but, you already have a girlfriend, p.s. I like being a virgin"
Gmail - Yes, I do realize that you've upgraded, but you know what? I have an old computer, and no way of getting a new one, so I don't care if you want me to upgrade to a new web server, IT'S TOO EFFING OLD, >_< they keep rerouting me to a web server upgrade, which is always followed by 'you do not meet system requirements, goodbye' At least DeviantArt only has a small annoying bar, I have since learned to ignore it~ in fact~ I kind of like a tiny bar of yellow at the top, I think it's cute
I finally finished my chocolate bunni ^_^ He was quite delicious~ But I've been eating him real slow so he lasts
Why is it no one wants to date me? I mean, I understand I'm not uber attractive, but I'm mildly good looking, I'm not a complete asshole, do the right type of men just not like me? I mean, Will is a great guy, but I won't put out, and we just wouldn't work out >_< Is sex the only way girls get men, unless they manage to find the one good one? [I.e. friend that keeps setting me up with lesbian friend] I'm not so much opposed to being a lesbian, but her friend [from what I've heard] has deep underlying issues, and I think she wants me to help her through them, but I don't think I'm up for that task.
Everyone says not to base your life around a man, but I need a rock that fulfills the parameters filled by a boyfriend. Maybe it's one of those things where you need to stop looking to find it, but it seems like giving up might just be the best option >_<
I hate doing two octave scales on my viola, one's pinky is only supposed to go so far, and I have crap depth-perception and have lots of trouble telling where to move my hands to get to the higher part of the octave >_<


Well, darlings, that's all I can think of now, I'm sorry if you read the whole thing, but I just needed to get it all out >_< even if it is jumbled and mangled mess of stuff
Love you <3
Himiko